Reluctant to Run

Lately I have been waking up without that intense desire to lace up my kicks and hit the road... Burnout is something people warned about but I never really considered it, until recently. Last week I was in Chicago for work, preparing for bitter cold I only brought running gear for the treadmill, imagine my disappointment when I open the fitness center door to find only ellipticals and bikes. Deciding the elliptical would suffice I jumped on. The next day, thinking I NEEDED a run I proceeded to run back and forth across my hotel room for over an hour, crazy? Yes, probably. After that experience my mind may be deciding that it needs to give up some of the control that running has on it... Time off might be a good thing. The day I got back I did have an incredible long run, but I attribute it more to my return to sunny San Diego after enduring a massive rain storm followed up by snow. Debating a run right now.... Thinking I may pass.

Running for a Reason

A classmate's comment brought to mind an experience which I would like to share... When I decided to run my first marathon at 20 I was not a runner, at the time 3 miles on the treadmill was a challenge and I still remember the day when I reached 5 and celebrated with a big bowl of ice cream! After a few months of training I lined up at the start, my goal simply to finish... The first 8 miles passed without a thought, but as the miles increased so did the negative thoughts that were invading my brain. One specific moment sticks out in my mind that carried me to the finish... I looked around me as I passed one of the wheelchair racers, and I looked at him as he pushed with all his might, a look of pain mixed with serenity on his face. Right then and there I knew I would NOT give up, I thought to myself that there was reason I was given these 2 powerful legs and it was to run with all my might and never give up. That man's determination inspired me to finish the marathon and inspires me to push myself harder every time I hit the road. I am thankful to have been blessed with a body capable of running wild, and I will never forget this.

Sleep Running

Sleep last night proved to be an impossible task, I just never reached that peaceful state and finally gave in and opened my eyes at 3am, fully awake and alert. Rather than forcing myself to lie there, knowing I would never actually fall asleep, I decided to get up and head out for a run. Although probably not the safest or smartest idea, I bundled up and ran toward the beach. The zone feeling came quickly and I totally escaped from the world. About half-way through I looked out over the ocean and just took a huge deep breath, the feeling was something words can not even describe. Following the run I took a long hot shower and to my surprise was able to pass out for a good solid hour of refreshing sleep.... The entire morning was invigorating, but this is not a habit I want to form... I know the benefits of sleep and tonight I plan to catch up on what I missed.

Reasons To Run...

"I always loved running...it was something you could do by yourself, and under your own power. You could go in any direction, fast or slow as you wanted, fighting the wind if you felt like it, seeking out new sights just on the strength of your feet and the courage of your lungs." -Jesse Owens

As a child and teen, gymnastics was my drug... I lived for the sport and my teammates were my family. However, being judged and scrutinized for a bent leg here or a flexed foot there took a toll on my young body & mind. Gymnastics is subjective, there's no denying that.

When I run, the only thing that judges me is me. The clock is there, ticking away, but one can chose to ignore it and simply run for the feeling. I love the runner's high, how else could someone run for hours on end and finish with a smile, feeling as if no time has elapsed?! And nobody can doubt the clock or a rank.

Whether you run to race, or you run for the feeling, there is always a way to challenge yourself. If I wake up without the desire to get on the road and run, I lace up my shoes and get out there anyways. As I take my last breath and push my limits after the run, I almost always feel glad that I went.

These feelings and sensations go for non-runners too, it is called the zone. Anyone can attain the zen feeling of the 'zone'. When everything else escapes your mind and you become completely present in the moment and the energy that you are expending.

I run for the zone.

New Beginnings?

Finally moving out of my parents house last weekend felt liberating, but as of yet it failed to revolutionize my world as I had hoped. The new roomie is great and I love being closer to the city, but I still possess this nagging emptiness inside of me that I just can not seem to fill. A void in my life follows me everywhere and on days like today it pops it's head up and drowns me in gloom. This morning I woke up under a somber cloud which lifted slightly after a hot intense game of lunch-time soccer. Discovering the identity of this pesky stalker would lift a giant weight off my shoulders... maybe it would even allow me to stop running...

Running Sick

Last weekend was the Carlsbad 1/2 Marathon and I hoped to post after a successful, fun race... however, I ended up pushing too hard for the first 7 miles and my body responded in anger! Vomitting on myself was not fun, nor was the dip I took in the cold ocean to clean off, and for the first time ever I contemplated not finishing a race... being stubborn and often stupid I kept pushing and managed to complete the race in the top 25. Needless to say I felt the physical repercussions for a few days and still feel a slight disappointment in the course of events, but there's no point in the 'woe is me' attitude, and there will more races...

Why 'Running Wild'?

The phrase 'running wild' seems to characterize my world. Physically, being a competitive distance runner, I push myself to run far and fast about 360 mornings a year. Mentally, my brain fills every hour of the day running with the wild thoughts and flow in and out. My emotions tend to run wild, but I try to keep anything that doesn't fit into a pretty little box from being released. In general, since my move from Wisco to So Cal last year I have found myself running... running races, running away, running in circles... But running is my passion, filling me with life, strength, courage, and gratitude.